Sugar Blues 911: Dieting Sucks

I'm just saying.  I am an intelligent funny creative - oh look there's a donut - woman who had lost the same 10 pounds at least a gazillion time.  I have been through every program every invented.  Oh look there's some ice cream.  I have learned many things from many of them.  About life.  I have been hypnotized, done the spa thing, the in patient thing, the OA thing etc... etc...  I have never been able to lose weight and keep it off.  Don't tell me about a lifestyle change.  I like my lifestyle.  I just don't like being fat!!  I want to eat everything I want when I want to eat it and still be thin.  Doesn't work that way.

My husband bought me a size 4 sweater I liked because i asked him to - said I would lose all the weight  in no time.  That was 30 years ago.  When he died I gave the sweater away.  I didn't even like it any more.

Now it's important that I make changes for health reasons too. After a while sugar and fat and all that good stuff isn't as easy to handle as it used to be.  I have a granddaughter I'd like to be able to keep up with.

I wrtite a blog on grief at griefspeaksout.com and I thought - what the hell.  I'll start writing a blog on food.  Eating it - not eating it.  Being healthy.  Being happy.  Are they really the same thing?

Please don't give me advice.  I've heard it all.  Where are the Napoleons?  It's like a tic.  I live in New York City.  I have to say "NO!!!" seventeen times on every block.  Sometimes 24 hours a day.

What do I feel better if I give up.  I feel better if I give up sugar, dairy, caffeine, and gluten.  I call them the lovely uglies.  Do I feel better? You bet I do.  The joints don't hurt.  I have more energy.  The face is less puffy.  Do I miss them? You bet I do.  Do I have respect for people who stick to a program.  An incredible amount of respect.  If I was a heroin addict I'd be dead.  Instead I'm just fat. Which is not bad.  Just fat.  There shouldn't be a war on obesity - the goal is to be fit - not to be thin.  When I see someone who weighs more than I do - I say there but for the grace of something goes I.

A woman on a plane departing Paris (France, not Texas) once leaned over and said, "You have such a beautiful face - did you ever think about losing weight?"  She was serious.  And rude.  Every minute of every day - except when I'm saying fuck it and eating S'mores ice cream with a cookie spoon.

So there you see my problem.  Here's my priority...my motivation...my plan.  Sometimes the PEEPS just win.  It's like I keep mentioning them so you get the first measure of the problem in this first blog post.

However, today has - until this point in time - 5 p.m. -  been a healthy eating day.  Can I keep it up until I go to sleep?  More shall be revealed.  With love. xo